@SirEviscerate: If Kellyanne Conway is right and microwaves spy on us, the CIA has a hell of a lot of data on me reheating coffee then forgetting about it.
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@StarWarsProblms: Obi-wan: You look different. Vader: You left me burning alive in lava with no arms and legs. Obi-wan: I thought maybe you got a haircut.
@osigat: When I go out in public with my brother; people think he is my boyfriend, which is crazy because we broke up over 12 years ago.
@Tups13: Don't hesitate when you come to a fork in the road. Be bold. Pick that fork up and take it home. Free cutlery!
@space0tter: *Cop yells at dog* LADY WHAT ARE U DOING *dog continues to give birth* THATS IT UR GETTING A TICKET FOR *looks directly at camera* LITTERING