@SirEviscerate: If Kellyanne Conway is right and microwaves spy on us, the CIA has a hell of a lot of data on me reheating coffee then forgetting about it.
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@kelkulus: Somewhere a guitarist sets down his instrument, pours gas on it, & lights it ablaze while Miley Cyrus naked on a wrecking ball shoots to #1.
@FatherWithTwins: 4yo: What do you love most in the world? Me: You & your brother 4yo: Oh Me: What about you? 4yo: The fire tree in Plants vs. Zombies Me: Oh
@amydillon: Cereal is a satisfying way to start the day if you're having another breakfast within 45 minutes.
@Spaziotwat: [Last Supper] Jesus:"We need 13 chairs please" Judas:"But chairs don't fall into common usage until the 16th century AD" Jesus:"AD?"