@PowKaPowBoom: If looks could kill, I'd still use a baseball bat.
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@patnspankme: CW: What’s your middle name? Me: It’s Mike. CW: Oh. Well, what is your first name? Me: I don’t have one.
@Amiigat: When my pc crashes, I go to the guy with the most action figures in his cubicle for help.
@KrazykurtKurt: When #EgyptAir announced "he's not a terrorist, just an idiot" My ex wife phoned to see if it was me.
@mommy_cusses: Parenting Tip: Wear clothing with pockets so you can flip off your children inconspicuously.