@TheRolo: If love didn't hurt, it wouldn't be called love...it would be called tacos.
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@ddsmidt: Sure you call it a college fund for your kid, yet deep in your heart you know it’s bond money.
@DanMentos: "So you met the victim on tinder" Yes "Do you often meet women on tinder"? Yeah I've been murdering it on there *lawyer puts head in hands*
@CourtneyBale: Me: So excited for the weekend! Predatory alien in disguise: Same here! Sooo easy to catch, right M: Huh P: The weakened M: What P: What
@Reverend_Scott: [sees cute girl jog by] "Imma run up and ask her out" [one block later still not caught up] "Ok, wow, we probably weren't soul mates anyway"