@LindzThoughts: If maxi pad commercials didn't exist, us women would have no idea that we're full of blue windshield wiper fluid.
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@shegotagronk: My Grandma would be pissed if she found out how many times she's died so I could get out of having to go somewhere.
@: I hate when new parents ask who the baby looks like--it was born 15 minutes ago, it looks like a potato.
@RandySmithWhat: "[I] broke up with him because I was sick of justifying his trench coat to my friends" - Overheard on the bus