@GirrlGenius: If my body is ever found dead on a jogging trail, just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.
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@Dawn_M_: [Speed Dating] People act weird when I explain that I ate my twin in the womb, but when would have been the right time to do it?
@Book_Krazy: Judge: So, you don't know how the victims blood got in your car? Clown: In my defense Your Honor, there were 46 other passengers in the car
@TuffyNyC: What's up with all these idiots on TV trying to talk to ghosts? I don't even wanna talk to the living.