@dumbbeezie: If my boss catches me surfing the internet, I make sure I have a screen open to a big box of tampons from Amazon and he leaves me alone
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@macchiatonumb: Random girl: OMG I love your UGG boots Me: No No... that's just the way my feet look
@QwertyJones3: Sir, I see that you spelled "résumé" with the correct accent marks. Unfortunately you're just too fancy to work here at Popeye's Chicken.