@That_Damn_Duck: If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
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@WheelTod: Shrimp: My mom's coming to visit Starfish wife: Again?! The 3rd time this year? S:She's lonely Wife: Oh grow a spi... S: Grow a what, Karen?
@WilliamRodgers: Me: I only smoke weed because of Cancer. Mom: You don't have Cancer! Me: So it's working...
@KeetPotato: [schmoozing at fancy dinner] me: im a private investigator wife: you're allowed to say gynaecologist, keith me: people are eating, linda