@That_Damn_Duck: If my glass is half full then I start wondering where my bartender is.
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@Book_Krazy: Mom: I think I'll name her Jenny. Dr: I'm sorry, that name is already taken, but you can name her jenny_2828
@robdelaney: Enrages me when I see guys using cute dogs to pick up chicks. It's like, why did I have kids.
@KalvinMacleod: WIFE: how old is your daughter? WIFE’S FRIEND: she’s eight going on nine. ME: *whispering* That’s how numbers work
@GeriatricBeards: *throws coin in fountain* stranger: can you not do that? Me: just want my wish to come true S: this is a drinking fountain m: wish came true