@HatesNiceThings: If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's "Hello" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over.
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@elle91: In fifth grade, we were supposed to write a story about an antihero but I was only half-listening so I wrote a 6 page story about an ant who helped people quit smoking and my teacher sent me to the school psychologist.
@aparnapkin: "Doctor, how bad is it?" "I mean, you're just not a great singer. I don't know why you needed a doctor to confirm for you, but there it is."
@MsCassieDaniels: My white girl power is ability to never putting more than $20 worth of gas in at a time.
@GrantTanaka: [writes THIS IS A ROBBERY on a deposit slip, slides it to teller] [teller writes something, slides it back] NO THIS IS A DEPOSIT SLIP