@JohnLyonTweets: If one more person stands up and talks about their alcoholism I’m quitting this book club.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@msgwenl: Always a bridesmaid, never a new world-order leader in a post-apocalyptic all-powerful matriarchy. Sigh.
@Thrill_Tweeter: [The mid 20s catch up] "What are you drinking, who you seeing?" [The midlife catchup] "Who's your therapist, what are you taking for it?"
@SeeEllVee: Just watched a guy walk out of the tanning place and immediately light a cigarette. Slow down, buddy. Don't get all the cancer today!
@bea_ker: Just went for a piss while still wearing my microphone and the whole conference heard me call the urinal a "thirsty boy"