@nd_L_: If only the person that named “walkie talkies” had been in charge of naming so many more household objects.
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@Coops_Bradley: That's a really big gun in your pants. And that's how you get out of a speeding ticket.
@Brianhopecomedy: UGH, I was planning this big romantic dinner for two and then my wife called to say she'd be home.
@PuckingItUp: I'm just grateful that I don't have to draw on my eyebrows everyday because I would totally forget to do that.
@DowntimeDad: I just want to have the poker face of a toddler that tells you that they didn't poop their pants.