@KyleMcDowell86: If Princess Peach fixed shoes for a living she's be Princess Peach Cobbler lol thanks for following
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@DancesWithTamis: In an incredible turn of events we've been informed that the zodiac killer has killed himself after being mistaken for Ted Cruz
@Shade510: * on my death bed Me: One thing I want you to do for me... Wife: Name it? Me: I want you to marry Larry. Wife: (pause)You sure? I thought you hated Larry? Me: I do.
@daemonic3: FRIEND: I just found out my kid lost another tooth ME: Really? Which one? FRIEND: Katie ME: Wow, I didn't know your kid named his teeth
@donni: Stop saying "There's plenty of fish in the sea." I'm sick of fish seducing all our human women!