@Tmoney68: If really good-looking people are "eye candy" I guess that puts me somewhere around the "eye broccoli" category.
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@RexHuppke: When the priest says "Body of Christ" I say "Thanks, I've been working out." Then I grab the cracker and run back to my seat.
@MicheleAKALips: When life hands you 3 kids..... You add the lemons to some vodka and hide in the closet.
@MourningGlory_: My 22-year-old cousin: My biggest fear in life is that I won't make a difference, that I'll be insignificant. Me: It's really not that bad
@jaggings: Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can / super speed, giant leap / crawls in your mouth when you're asleep