@howe007: If Russia prepares for war the way it prepares for the Olympics then we have nothing to worry about.
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@NoLuckWanted: A guy just offered to buy me a drink. I declined, but heard him say lesbo to his pal. I replied "Only for you, baby". Now he feels special.
@SaraESpivey: When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
@mattZillaaaa: Poured Tresemmé on a spider in the shower & scooted him down the drain, he reemerged w/ voluminous hair & screamed at me in a French accent