@briangaar: If she says "I'm fine" that means she's fine and you can keep playing Xbox
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@captainkalvis: Priest: I will now dip the child in the Holy Water Me (just watched a hot dog eating contest): That makes em go down your throat faster
@michaelianblack: How come my wife can't hold her bladder for more than three hours but she can hold a grudge for fourteen years?
@Nyx422: Talking bout planets with my 8 yr old. He asked if you just plow thru Uranus because it's all gas. I cannot respond maturely.