@bridger_w: If someone acts shocked that you haven't read a certain book, the best response you can give them is, "Yeah, I heard it sucks"
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@whatkylasaid: We only cook with fresh, local ingredients so tonight we're grilling our neighbor's cat.
@juliussharpe: A new study shows dogs recognize pictures of their owners. Also, they're like, "Why are you showing me photos? I'm a dog."