@bridger_w: If someone acts shocked that you haven't read a certain book, the best response you can give them is, "Yeah, I heard it sucks"
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@Brianhopecomedy: The most stressful part of my day is when my 5 year old shows me what he made in Arts & Crafts and I have to guess what it is.
@david8hughes: [lost in Spain] Wife: ask that man where we are Me [pretending to speak Spanish with a local]: gracias Wife: well? Me: we are in Spain
@tehviking: God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can’t even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference
@orange_rhymer: Cashier: how old r u? Me:*holding beer nervously* uuh 21 Cashier:*shaking his head sadly as he pulls Trix out of my cart* Trix are for kids.