@UnderTheJewFro: If someone ever challenges you to a fight, pull your pants off and chase them crotch first. I'm currently undefeated with this method.
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@tastefactory: [at subway] And just a little lettuce. *the guy starts backing a truck full of lettuce toward my sandwich & the truck is beeping* No wait.
@BobTheSuit: Realtor: Why r u moving? Me: I've been eating w my hands for 2 months because the sideways spatula won't let me open my silverware drawer.
@Keys_ToMe: I love to watch the look of panic on my husband's face when I pull a pair of panties out of my drawer and say, "um, these aren't mine."