@UnderTheJewFro: If someone ever challenges you to a fight, pull your pants off and chase them crotch first. I'm currently undefeated with this method.
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@MrsMikePatton: Maybe if we press "2" for Spanish, we'll actually get someone that speaks English better then the person on the "1" line.
@AimeeHelene1: *Husband forgets to close screen on door* *4 hrs later* Me: *feels furriness on my leg in bed* *rolls over* Squirrel: *stares*
@okimstillhungry: Me: Can you hear me? Ouija board: Y-E-S Me: Is it hard to hear me with all the updog? Ouija board: I-W-I-L-L-M-U-R-D-E