@brucepoontip: If someone sees you accidentally bite into plastic fruit, commit. don’t show weakness. eat all of it
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@UncleDuke1969: "You know, your ex-wife was trash! I never liked her." "We're still married, Grandma." "She's such a lovely girl."
@KyleMcDowell86: [going thru airport security] "Please turn your laptop on" *I start to stroke it's audio input* "That's not what I-' Me: No no it likes this