@brucepoontip: If someone sees you accidentally bite into plastic fruit, commit. don’t show weakness. eat all of it
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@iYoungKhalifa: If the whole world smoked a joint at the same time, There would be world peace for at least two hours. Followed by a global food shortage..
@zgbetty: The hardest part of parenting is standing idly by while your children build a mediocre couch fort.
@man_spach: "I'm sorry I could never do that for you," said the cat sulking away after catching me on the internet looking at pics of cats in space.
@BPMbadassmama: I know exactly how President Obama feels. Every time my kids are forced to listen to me, they make angry Republican faces.