@Maxine12339: If someone stands you up and doesn't call, stay positive. They could be dead.
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@Sickayduh: Son: Sire, I wish to change my name King: Why, Prince Stephen? Son: Because you call me "Prince S" King: Haha yeah that never gets old
@Bob_Heller: Sorry I borrowed your pen and performed that emergency tracheotomy that turned out not to be an emergency. And sorry about your neck hole.
@SenatorBigfoot: Alright, alright. You can all have jet packs! [two days later] Reporter: Another 8000 dead today due to sky rage.
@junejuly12: People who say 45 minutes past the hour are the same ones who have kids 89 and 63 months old