@birbigs: If someone writes you a long email that ends with "Thoughts?" just reply "Nope."
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@thetobbie: One of the worst things about being deaf has to be the inability to tell whether people are yawning or screaming...
@bromanconsul: met the cutest girl today. her eyes were gentle, like the light from a phone screen and her smile glowed, like the light from a phone screen
@hippieswordfish: lobster christian grey: 'my tastes are very.....singular' *opens closet door revealing hundreds of rubber bands*