@Amusitr0n: If someone's embarrassed just tell them an astronaut did the same thing. For example, "It's ok, Buzz Aldren once shit himself in an Arby's"
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@DanMentos: lol my boss just called me into his office and told me I've been spending too much time on twitter. Hold on he's saying something else now
@: [outside the Club] Bouncer: name? Daenerys: Daenrys Stormborn Bouncer: [checks list] sorry your name’s not on the list Daenerys: try Khaleesi Bouncer: [checks list] no Daenerys: Queen of the Andals? Bouncer: [checks list] no Daenerys: Mother of Dragons Bouncer: [checks list] no
@Brianhopecomedy: I checked my phone while I was mowing the lawn and now we don't have a garden.
@Playing_Dad: Daughter: Daddy, can you tell me a bedtime story? Me: Sure, once upon a time your mom & I used to get enough sleep. Then you came. The end.