@SnackMomSyndrom: If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say "like"
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@Lexactly: Nothing makes a friendship more awkward than saying "Cute doggie" and realizing it's their kid
@OhNoSheTwitnt: Purchased an hourglass for my desk at work to flip when people stop by to make them uncomfortable.
@WhaJoTalkinBout: If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently.
@zachv86: *speaks at high school graduation* Your 12 year free trial has expired. To continue your education please submit your credit card info.