@Matt_The_1st: If stray cats are free, why is Chinese food so expensive?
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@KevinBuffalo: Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
@abhorrent_wife: Please, baseball fans. Enthrall me with complex details about a game where someone hits the ball with a stick and runs around in a circle.
@partlyfunny: I got chased by two Canadian geese today. I know they were Canadian because when they realized I was genuinely scared, they apologized.