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@Matt_The_1st: If stray cats are free, why is Chinese food so expensive?
@Schmoodles: Your jokes are only as funny as someone else's sense of humor.
@HatfieldAnne: Him: Watch your language at dinner tonight.
Me: So you want less Tarantino...
H: ...and more Seuss.
M: Gotcha. No swearing. Lots of rhyming.
@SweetTweetsBRO: I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.
@HappyHijabbi: Me: what do you want for breakfast?
7: a bowl of sugar
Me too kid, me too
@JohnFugelsang: I can't wait for the next Oscars dead-person montage when all the celebs Joan Rivers insulted have to applaud her.