@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@bridger_w: If I die in my sleep, my only request is that you fold me up in my futon and sell it on Craigslist
@TheBeerGuy73: The bank robbery would have ended much better for me if I hadn't stopped on the way out at the ATM to deposit the money.
@WilliamAder: I wonder if the Three Wise Men said to Jesus, "Just to be clear, these gifts are for your birthday AND Christmas."
@PinkCamoTO: The "we're going to need a bigger boat" scene from Jaws but just me looking at the shopping carts at the liquor store.