@primawesome: If the CIA has my house bugged they've heard several impromptu songs about my dog being a good boy.
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@TheLesbianTwin: a squirrel buries a nut in my backyard. I think im going to dig it up & replace it with a grilled cheese sandwich, blow its freaking mind!
@BlackCatBettie: If you have a horse and you didn't name it Edgar Allan Pony, we can't be friends.
@bazlyons: [strip to the waist for my fight club debut] Opponent: "dude they meant the top half" *walks away* [I claim victory and retire undefeated]
@LizHackett: I seem pretty put together for a grown woman who imagines she's traveling through a wormhole each time she pulls a turtleneck over her head.