@AristotlesNZ: If the fate of the world ever depended on me opening a new plastic grocery or produce bag in under a minute, we'd all be dead.
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@MrGeorgeWallace: Shout out to the top 5 phones, mega, micro, smart, speaker and get off the damn.
@TheMichaelRock: Of course every kiss begins with k. That's how the English language works, stupid.
@GrantTanaka: Waitress: Can I take this out of the way for you? Me: [glances at wife] uh…sure Wife: SHE MEANS THE PLATE, IDIOT