@AristotlesNZ: If the fate of the world ever depended on me opening a new plastic grocery or produce bag in under a minute, we'd all be dead.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@DirtMcTurd: I don't need pepper spray to stop a mugger, I just open my wallet and blow the dust in their eyes
@KevinFarzad: I'm tired of being told to remove my card rapidly. Starting a new ATM for people who wanna remove their card at a more chill pace
@Book_Krazy: Me: *Wishes upon a star* Please, I just want the world to be a better place. Asteroid: ON MY WAAAY!!!
@BlondeFacade: I sprayed Taylor Swift's new perfume on me then started writing a five page letter to the boy who forgot to put a straw in my bag at Arby's.