@WickedCynic: If the guy behind me stands any closer I'm going to go in for a hug.
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@polite_good_boy: DOG: woof ME: you wanna go outside? DOG: [wagging tail] woof woof! ME: ok just a second DOG: [pulls a gun] woof [gestures to door] woof
@SarraBeth: "What are you typing? Let me guess. Oh wait, stop right there, I know what it is. It's not that? Okay wait.. I know it, I know it!" -Google.
@HlaoRoo: NRA member: I've got guns. I'm in charge. Me: That's nice. I've got bubonic plague - "cough, cough" - now you do, too. I win.
@jordan_stratton: DID YOU KNOW: If every person on the planet lined up along the Earth's equator, most of them would drown.