@Parentpains: If the liquor store didn't want me to drink all their alcohol than they never should have put a help wanted sign in the window.
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@markydoodoo: [CREATING GROUNDHOGS] GOD: a rat dog ANGEL: check GOD: that whispers to white people ANGEL: what? GOD: about the weather ANGEL:
@RobElliottComic: That show Scrubs is bullshit. Not one person in this hospital joined in my song and dance number.
@NymphoFor: Little do you know that in my head I've already married you, divorced you, and hidden your body.
@geowizzacist: My 3yo: Help I dropped a coin in the toilet come and get it out. Me (looks): I can't see anything in there. 3: That's because I flushed.