@mattselman: If the United States ever collapses, the upside is that we can finally use the blue starry part of American flags to make wizard hats.
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@PhilLaysheO: Just left a note on the ex's car saying "I STILL LOVE YOU" hope it doesn't go unnoticed. I keyed it in pretty deep.
@CYComedy: Just had too much fun with a woman who lost her son named "Marco" in the supermarket just now.
@hipstermermaid: It's amazing that whales have evolved to live for over 700 years and humans have evolved to spread misinformation online! Nature's wonders!
@DirtMcTurd: "You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You get a Bible! You all get Biibbbllleess!!!! ~Poprah