@BenBrouckaert: If there isn't a fireworks company whose slogan is "our business is booming," that seems like a real missed opportunity.
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@JermHimselfish: *walking away from the big rap battle* "How did he know that I'm lactose intolerant?"
@ThaJawn: 911: What's your emergency? Me: Someone is eating pineapple on pizza! 911: That's- Me: PUT THE PIZZA DOWN, KAREN! THE COPS ARE ON THEIR WAY!
@Underchilde: A man’s got to know his limitations. Unless he’s in a relationship, then he’ll be constantly reminded.
@Elephart: When my wife forgets to fill up the fishtank I lower the ceiling a few inches every day until she remembers.