@disaster_dog: if there were a zombie apocalypse i'd save a lot of kids but it would be only because i'd need them later to feed zombies so i can run away
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@BradBroaddus: Our mailman freaked out when he accidentally saw me naked. So did all the other people at the post office.
@novicefather: [william shakespeare as an 8yo] dad: bedtime william: dost thou not... dad: [interrupting] STOP TALKING LIKE THAT!
@AaronFullerton: Reading about how much Daniel Craig hates Bond is like The Pope Visiting Kim Davis all over again.
@BrandandCo: I feel like Neil deGrasse Tyson would be the most annoying person in the world to watch Space Jam with