@disaster_dog: if there were a zombie apocalypse i'd save a lot of kids but it would be only because i'd need them later to feed zombies so i can run away
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@WoodyLuvsCoffee: MISSING CAT❗️ -Answers to the name "Chancellor Parsons" which is really aggravating because we named him Mittens.
@peterjames48: We got a notice at work that a coyote had been spotted on the fitness trail, and I was, like, "Good for him."
@UncleDuke1969: [loud bar] Her: I have to urinate Me: What? H: Urinate M: What? H: URINATE! M: Well, YOU'RE a 10! H: Huh? No! You're like a 5. I gotta pee.
@perfect_boxx: I was asked to name my top 10 most favorite books. I don't have 10 so I just started naming insects.