@WoodyLuvsCoffee: If there's a "Mr." in front of your cat's name you're going to die alone.
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@valentinebaby82: Answering all the 'how r u' DM's with 'I got my period' is going surprising well
@bobvulfov: Why did the thumbs-up become the universal symbol for approval? "hey let me show u my weirdest finger because i'm down with what ur saying"
@KeetPotato: dad: "start a rumour so people are scared of you" me: "ok" [later] cellmate: "i kill people for money" me: "i brush my teeth with hot water"