@realHamOnWry: If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one.
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@AntozWolf: True friendship is when you walk into someone's house, and your WiFi connects automatically..
@GMPaiella: The part of the Bible I relate to the most is when Jesus makes a scene at the farmers market
@KateWhineHall: 6yo: Your hair looks pretty every day. Me: Well, thanks. 6yo: Can I have some chips?