@realHamOnWry: If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one.
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@MavenofHonor: On some level I've always known that caterpillars drink dewdrops. But I never sat down to think about it while crossing the street before.
@sir_shithead_I: *Gets 20 Year High School Reunion Invite in mail* I'm not going to this shit, that's what Facebook is for. *reads 'open bar'* Aaaand I'm in.
@abbycohenwl: How to apply mascara: Pull wand from tube Open your eyes like a haunted doll coming to life
@ArfMeasures: [in space] ASTRONAUT: Up here you can have delusions ME: Haha I don't think so A: They can seem real GANDALF: Don't believe him ME: I don't