@realHamOnWry: If there's a sock on my doorknob it means I'm having sex with the other one.
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@Pee_And_Giggles: 18: You & I are getting fat bec. u cook so damn good! IT'S.ALL.YOUR.FAULT! I was insulted, complimented, then scolded in under 2.5 seconds.
@msdanifernandez: Game Show Host: if you were stranded on an island with no people, what-- Me: omg yes
@Epygma: Im still waiting for a movie in which someone says "buy me some time" and the guy goes and buys him a clock
@WesTheFatKid: "Because Im a goddamned rock star!" wasn't the answer my boss was looking for as to why I was late to work, lesson learned.