@littlekitnerboy: If there's one thing that Twitter has taught me its that all the weird kids in school eventually find each other.
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@Ygrene: [First date] Her: i'm a criminal lawyer, what do you do? Me: really, well it just so happens that I… (trying to impress her) …am a criminal
@shariv67: The human body can survive three weeks without food, three days without water but only three hours without wifi.
@brownbear952: Try and tell me about your cleanse and I will whip out my pocket bacon and eat it right in front of you.