@khook32: If this cat doesn't stop trying to lick my plate, we're having Chinese for dinner tomorrow.
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@SoulYodeler: It takes a big man to admit his mistakes. It takes a bigger man to fix them. It takes an enormous man to close down a Chinese buffet. High-5
@pleatedjeans: [couple tossing baby back and forth] [music stops] judge: custody granted dad: [holding baby] AW DAMMIT
@kibblesmith: Hey "La La Land" remember when you gave us that fake happy ending and then took it away How's it feel
@tylerschmall: "Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria." "What's Updog?" "[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati