@AimeeHelene1: If this paper cut is any indication of my pain threshold, then child birth would definitely kill me.
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@lisaxy424: It doesn't matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.
@Philosopherbing: I woke up at 3 am this morning to the sound of my burglar alarm "Time to go out and rob some people!" I said
@Amburglar_: Facebook friend: If you can't handle me at my worst, then you- SHUT UP, SHANNON. YOU'RE *ALWAYS* AT YOUR WORST.
@iGreenMonk: Natural Disasters are just Mother Nature's way of saying, "How many times I have to tell you to stop making such a mess? Go to your room.."