@AndyRuther: If Trump or Hillary really cared about America they never would have agreed to a debate in the middle of a Monday Night Football game.
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@Samiam556: Walks you into the bedroom. Stands you up straight against the wall. *you notice the sign that says "You must be this tall to ride this guy"
@dafloydsta: [at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there
@Allison_Tolman: Therapist: Participate in a hobby your partner enjoys. Me: Like sitting on paper bags? Therapist: No, not your cat. A human partner. Me: Oh.