@beefman138: If Twitter allowed us to attach a signature to each Tweet, mine would be : "He said, stupidly."
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@ClichedOut: [camping] Friend: You gonna put that tent up yourself? Me: No, you sicko, under that tree.
@pinningnut: It's a dark stormy night. You're scared & alone. You hear a bump in the night. You jump! You scream! Then your cat comes in the house drunk.
@LoveNLunchmeat: You could murder someone in California and they wouldn't even arrest you as long as you properly composted the body.
@Birdhumms: "Your sense of entitlement is destroying our relationship" *me to my dog while trying to eat without having to share.