@beefman138: If Twitter allowed us to attach a signature to each Tweet, mine would be : "He said, stupidly."
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@WilliamAder: Invited a homeless guy to Thanksgiving dinner this morning, so when he shows up at your place, let him in.
@EdgarAllanLo: My million dollar invention is a microwave that stops beeping when you yell, "I hear you!" from across the house.
@fizzlestothetop: Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch.
@ValeeGrrl: Me: [sneaks off to lay by pool cuz kids are finally playing] 7yo: HERE I AM MOMMY SO YOU DON'T HAFTA BE ALONE Me: [sigh] Thanks bud.