@GingerGander: If Twitter was any more fun we'd have to smuggle it in from Mexico.
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@iwearaonesie: *helps wife get toddler in his high chair* wife: That's a new shirt, let's put a bib on you me [wearing a bib] This is ridiculous
@codyspencer0: Somebody said "hey wanna eat this apple" and I said "no thanks I ate a PC for lunch"
@onume_: The girl next to me is texting her friend about how there's an annoying guy looking at her phone, lemme show her which emojis to use.