@GingerGander: If Twitter was any more fun we'd have to smuggle it in from Mexico.
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@THEINBREDCAT: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@Karissajem: Neighbors just got a pirate ship playhouse for their backyard. Drunk me has never been so excited.
@MatCro: COP: Can you describe your attacker? ME: No COP: Didn't you see him? ME: Yes, but I have a poor grasp of adjectives