@RobertJrDowney: If Twitter was invented by a woman, The character limit would be 10,000 characters.
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@secondofhername: If you reply with "sky" each time I ask what's up, I shall assume you're homeless.
@FunnerGunner: My lesbian neighbors asked me what I wanted for my birthday. They gave me a Rolex. I think they misunderstood when I said, "I wanna watch."
@Westoff123: I'm going to buy a house near the St. Louis Airport and paint "Welcome to chicago" on my roof to confuse people who are about to land.