@ch000ch: if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer
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@MariyaAlexander: Fears: dying alone, getting horribly maimed or disfigured, people who stick their tongue out in photos
@seandunn76: 4 in 3 people have syphilis. Look to your left. Look to your right. One of you has syphilis twice.
@fluffysuse: My ex just asked if I want to go on holiday with him and my ex mother-in-law and now I don't need Twitter because I will never stop laughing
@Kyle_Lippert: Black Friday is the Christian holiday where Jesus rose from the grave at 4am to get in line to purchase a discounted HDTV for his Father.