@ch000ch: if u hear ur roommate using ur beard trimmer in the bathroom but they come out and look exactly the same u should buy a new beard trimmer
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@MondayPajamas: Watching my dad try to scroll through pictures on my phone is like watching someone trying to pet a bubble.
@_freebird99_: Her: I don't know what I would do without my kids. Me: me neither! But probably watch a 26 minute show on Netflix in under 6 hours.
@Jez1: You text him, he doesn't text you back. Obviously he was so excited that you texted that he fainted.
@thetigersez: Don't even talk to me until I've had my coffee. *never drinks coffee again* This is nice.