@markleggett: If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.
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@Jacob_Swift16: When I was a child someone shot me with a flare gun and I've been absolutely fabulous ever since
@Cheeseboy22: If the Pottery Barn didn't want me to bring my goat in the store, they shouldn't have called it a barn.
@mishakey: 4 out of 5 experts agree that when you put any 5 experts together, 4 out of 5 of them will agree.
@robdelaney: When a celebrity tweets a whiny complaint at an airline, I vigilantly pray for them to get stranded on a runway for 72 hours.