@markleggett: If vampires like the taste of blood so much they should floss.
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@david8hughes: "I've an appointment with Dr Patel." "Dr Patel is off sick today so-" [slowly backs away & whispers] "U people can't even help yourselves."
@KKBowls: I was riding a horse once and its leg broke, so I had to shoot it -- everyone on the carousel freaked out.
@SortaBad: My neighbors hurt some bystanders by illegally setting off fireworks. If only there had been a good guy with fireworks around to stop them
@Thing_Finder: I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings.