@UNTRESOR: If video games taught me anything it's that you don't need to work because there's precious gems just laying around everywhere.
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@RadOrDie: I bet a lot more people would read the Bible if it was called The Adventures of Jesus and Friends.
@sliver_of: I hate it when after installing a new app, it automatically puts it on the home screen. Like no. You have to earn that place. Now sit back down.
@aka_fatman: President, first day on the job: *pushing a button* Janet can you- [two nuclear missiles launch towards Moscow] That wasn't the intercom.