@michaelianblack: If we all just agree that we're fine, we'll never again have to ask each other how we are.
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@WheelTod: *Prosecution points to badger*: Objection! This animal has no place in court! Defense: Your honor, the badger is prosecuting the witness
@Miss_MI_Kay: If you ever really want someone to call back, leave them a message saying, "I've got tickets to..." and hang up
@TheMichaelRock: Recipes sound good until you realize that you don't have $846 worth of spices in your house.
@CheetoBandito77: Eating a solid brick of Ramen is probably the easiest way to remember I need to pay the water bill.