@badbanana: If we can put a satellite in orbit around a comet 4 billion miles away, perhaps someday we can put a working wireless printer in my office.
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@Black__Elvis: My gf said all I do is sit on the couch in my underwear all day but that's bullshit, I've never been able to fit my underwear onto my couch.
@AKcrazy18: I just watched a squirrel bury a nut in my front yard. I'm going to dig it up and replace it with a Cadbury egg. That'll blow his Lil mind
@deadstick_ron: Me : Sorry I'm late. The clocks changing confuses everybody, right? Boss : Ron, it's been 2 years. You emailed me saying you were dead.