@TheMichaelRock: If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.
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@ThatBrenna: If you lose a tooth in a bar fight and put it under your pillow, the tooth fairy will leave you $100 because you're hardcore.
@bobvulfov: [standing at the hospital nursery window with other new parents] ME: this zoo is terrible
@jonnysun: [god creatig god] GOD: make him omnipotent & onmipresent ANGEL: ok… GOD: and also provide no evidence he exists ANGEL: ru sure GOD: trust me
@JediGigi: Mom: So, do you have someone special in your life? Me: Define "someone" Mom: You know, a boyfriend. Me: Define "boyfriend"