@TheMichaelRock: If we have learned anything from the Friday the 13th movies, it's that Jason mainly kills people having sex. Most of you should be good.
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@JamesHavoc: Sometimes I think we are capable of great things as a species, but then I notice how many people can't put their shopping cart away.
@Kalarlis: When the cashier asks for my signature, I just write "HELP ME" while maintaining eye contact
@mdob11: A high-pressure hose will usually stop a coworker from showing you any more baby photos.
@sploosk: If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year