@IamEnidColeslaw: if we know your religion, stance on gun control & how many kids you have just by looking at your car, you have way too many bumper stickers
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: Can I have some Oreos? Me: You have the flu. 6: I’m sick, not dead.
@deelizabeth_: Biden: So I got a bunch of balloons and when he gets here-- Obama: Joe, please Biden: --we're gonna rub them on his hair & see what happens
@kellysdf: Sailors have the reputation, but nobody cusses like a mom who just found out school is closed.