@doktorj: If we were in a fight, I'd mop the floor with you...
Except I don't do housework.
@Iaughing: Patrick: "Did you see my underwear?" Mindy: "No." Patrick: "Do you wanna?"
@simoncholland: *tries to wave goodbye to the genie without spilling my 3 giant milkshakes*
@mydmac: I really wish my twitter crush would scream out my name instead of 'hey you' every time he catches me in the tree in his front yard.
@aSapCoolDad: *shows up to marathon with perfect hair* Yeah I've been conditioning a lot for this race
@CastAwayKristen: NO I didn't eat a whole box of Girl Scout Cookies. I just ate all the cookies inside it.