@doktorj: If we were in a fight, I'd mop the floor with you...
Except I don't do housework.
@StoferComic: My neighbor just planed an orange tree. I told him, "That's a strange color for a tree."
@onion_an: [knock on door]
Who is it?
Jeff from work or Jeff who lies about his identity?
"Jeff from work"
@Iwriteforcats: Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks.
@CoatCzech: "Ramen". - Scooby Doo, finishing a prayer
@rezox: funny when u get charged by a cash machine to get ur own cash out but then it tells u to cover ur pin to prevent getting robbed.