@doktorj: If we were in a fight, I'd mop the floor with you...
Except I don't do housework.
@CornOnTheGoblin: [bar trivia night] and remember no using your phones unless it's an emergency
me: [five minutes later] hello 911? are butterflies insects?
@Sarcasticsapien: Why can't we edit tweets? Because if we could I would edit a tweet with 2,000 retweets to say "RT if you hate puppies and babies."
@KenJennings: Schrodinger's Hater gonna both hate and not hate.
@petemandik: If someone tells you they don't like some particular word, do not torment them with it. To do so is totally moist.
@BakedBrotatoes: [Judas standing alone waiting to be picked for dodgeball]
-Come on it was one time guys
*Jesus drags the CPR dummy to his side of the gym*