@doktorj: If we were in a fight, I'd mop the floor with you...
Except I don't do housework.
@Merman_Melville: Me: I need a raise
Secretly-an-Alien Manager: Yes, it is good to, want to exchange labor for the right amount of delicious green rectangles
@Parentpains: Weird, my coworker has bragged all day about his pending vacation and now his headlights have kicked themselves in.
@NotARatsAss: My dad will walk across the living room with a bowl of soup to the brim, shoelaces untied, because history has taught him nothing.
@nigelgodwin: I always have a suicide note in my shower so that i wont look stupid if i ever slip and crack my head
@birbigs: The ancient Egyptians loved cat videos.