@pakalupapito: If you are lonely, dim all lights and put on a horror-movie. After a while it won’t feel like you are alone anymore.
YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE
@notacroc: WIFE: get down here! ME: *from telephone wire* I'm with my friends WIFE: why are u wearing fake wings? ME: *to bird next to me* they're real
@tastefactory: Prisoner:*strapped into chair* Flip the switch & fry me. Guard: Oh, we're not electrocuting you... *college kid w/ acoustic guitar walks in*
@djdarrellripley: Her: Wasn't it fun cutting down our own Christmas tree? Me: Yea, especially when that guy chased us out of his yard...
@ericsshadow: [on a business trip to South Carolina] Nice to meet you. I'm from Philadelphia. "Welcome to the United States."