@Brentweets: If you are really good at comedy you can make $250 writing for a multimillionaire.
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@FrenulumBreve: [at the zoo] Llama spits in my face I spit in llamas face Llama slaps me I grab llamas hair Scuffle ensues Llamas gf shouts "leave it Gary!"
@EyeSeeYou619: Skrillex sounds like that time I threw a bag of beer bottles into an empty dumpster & a homeless dude yelled jibberish at me for waking him.
@Fred_Delicious: "son, did i ever tell you about how I served in Nom?" "dad, don't you mean Nam?" "sorry son i ate a small cake at the end of that sentence"
@UncleDuke1969: "I'm calling you because you're easy." "You're not even very good." "You're just the best I can do this late." Dominos: "Your order, Sir?"