@Brentweets: If you are really good at comedy you can make $250 writing for a multimillionaire.
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@Phook75: It surely can't be a coincidence that Alexander the Great and Kermit the Frog share the same middle name
@pixelatedboat: Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you've got? Me: She sold the Saudis the jets that are massacring Yemenis Clinton fan: Emails? That's all you
@DanMentos: [first date] *pointing indiscriminately* "uh-oh looks like we're on the Kiss Cam" there's no- *leans in* there's no Kiss Cam at Applebees