@CelebrityChez: If you are what you eat, then my dog is a calculator.
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@onion_an: Me: My dog has gone missing Dog pound: What colour is it? Me: Brown Dog pound: Sex? Me [turns to wife]: Has the dog lost his virginity?
@david8hughes: [interrogation] "Where were u on the nite of the 5th?" Stabbing a guy. "Louder for the tape." [leans in] Grabbing a pie. I went out for pie.
@Storminika: Cops got new drunk driving tests. There's one they pull out a wallet-size photo of Whoopi Goldberg & ask you, 'Is she attractive?'
@_Enanem_: I've written a musical called Fish. It's very similar to Cats, although Memory's a lot shorter.