@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
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@zachreinert03: I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn't for me
@XplodingUnicorn: Wife: Do the dishes Me: Can't. Holding the baby Wife: Take out the trash Me: Can't. Baby Wife: Change the baby Me: Can't. Doing dishes.
@XplodingUnicorn: The 9 circles of hell: 9) limbo 8) lust 7) gluttony 6) greed 5) anger 4) heresy 3) violence 2) fraud 1) shopping on Black Friday