@BadassBarbie11: If you blow out the kid's Birthday candles at enough parties, people will just stop inviting you to them.
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@dave_cactus: *sees a truck* Nice. *sees a trucker* Oh, impressive. *sees a truckest* Ah yes. This is what I came for.
@gm_cage: My 8 yr old son asked me earlier what the first two letters of 'fun' are. I laughed, we fist bumped, and then I sent him to the corner..
@sarcasm_inc: [a spider watching soccer when someone kicks a ball into the net] hell yeah, now eat it